She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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