then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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