if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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