tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
