It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
