after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
