maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
