We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
