I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
