I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
