did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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