considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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