i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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