do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
