And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
