Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
