ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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