I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
