you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
