The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
