It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
