i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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