I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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