I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
