I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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