that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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