that's an acceptable place to lick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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