I'm so fucking centered right now
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
