Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
