not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I could make wine with my vomit
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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