So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
