uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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