So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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