He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
