Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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