my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
