On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
