Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
