I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
