my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
