Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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