i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
