You really coming over, don't trick.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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