yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
