he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She's JV to your varsity
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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