doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
