I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She is in my trunk
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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