Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
