it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
