Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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