i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
